Girl’s relationships with guys…..a bigger mystery

It’s not just about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn’t fit to wear Jeetendra’s white hoes? Here’s a ready reckoner for you:

*Just a friend*

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, “Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??”
Rahul: “Where are you going Shilpa??”
Shilpa: “None of your business” and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).

*Good Friend*

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: “Hi Shilpa”,

Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye”

(Shilpa calls back after two days)
Shilpa: “What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?”.
Rahul: “Generally”.
Shilpa: “Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.”
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
*Very good friend*

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.
She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.
Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: “You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn’t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn’t like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl”.

Rahul: “Who is Shekhar??”

Shilpa : “My boyfriend.”

Rahul: Oh! ok.

*Best Friend*

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can’t live without you. And don’t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun .
Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: “But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends. Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.”

Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

*Best of the Bestest Friends*

Ok now you are really special. You are dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything.
Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around.You make her project. You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can
hold hands on the beach. You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).

But but but… don’t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in Poes Garden or Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar.

Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend”.

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul’s wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

*Boyfriend*

Uh… No comments dude. You’re already Gone …. !!

ZEN FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.

2, A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, Night.

3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.

4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn’t Familiar Territory.

5. 42.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.

6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright
Until You Hear Them Speak

7. I Feel Like I’m Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.

8. Honk If You LOve Peace And Quiet.

9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.

10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.

11. Depression is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.

12 The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets the Cheese.

13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.

14. Support Bacteria. They’re The Only Culture Some People Have.

15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.

16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.

17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.

18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It’ll Be A Great Trade!

19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.

20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It.

21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.

22. How Many Of You Believe In Psychokinesis? Raise My Hand.

23. OK,…. So What’s The Speed of Dark?

24. How Do You Tell When You’re Out Of Invisible Ink?

25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked
Something.

26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You’re In The Wrong Lane.

27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future, Laziness Pays Off Now.

28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory, Some Just Do Not Have Film.

29 If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?

30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges.?

31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.

32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?

33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Keep Falling Out.

34. I Couldn’t Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.

35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?

36 Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.

37 Just Remember – If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off.

Remember: A good friend will help you move.

A really good friend will help you move a body……

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel!

Innocent farting

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

“Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too
much. They never smell and are always silent.

As a matter of fact I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in
your office.

You didn’t know I was farting because they didn’t smell and are silent”.

The doctor says “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next
week.”

The next week the lady goes back,

“Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my
farts, although still silent, they stink terribly.”

“Good”, the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s
work on your hearing.”

30 Things Guys Want Girls To Know!!

1. We’re not as perverted as you think we all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don’t argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don’t treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6. We know you’re pretty, that’s one of the reason’s we’re going out with
you.
7. Don’t go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what’s wrong, just tell us it’s that
time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache,
beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It’s just wrong…………
12. Don’t make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if
you don’t.
13. When we tell you that you’re not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98
Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we
can stand up and go pee.
16. Just cause you think you’re always right, doesn’t mean that you don’t
have to apologize when you do something “wrong.”
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice
if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18. We can’t always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans
sometimes.
19. Don’t ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what
you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts “just to see what we would say”. That’s just
mean.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we
believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson’s boobs aren’t fake anymore, but we like yours better
anyway.
23. Size doesn’t matter, except to idiots who don’t want a relationship.
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we’re done, you should put it
up when you’re done.
26………… Don’t tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn’t
turn us on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his
stomach….. and maybe….oh nevermind.
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your
friends, but to us it’s just wrong.
29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it
down our throat and still want to be friends.
30. And last but not least: We know you’re not always right, but we’ll
pretend like you are anyway.